Friday, January 21, 2011

Super Review: "Ice Road Truckers"

I fucking hate "Ice Road Truckers", me.

"Oh boo hoo, it's so icy, the road is geet slippy and that, this is the hardest job in the world" etc.

Don't fucking do it, then. You live in America and you've got your HGV licence, get a job in one of the sunny parts of the country. I've seen "Smokey and the Bandit", I know what goes on out there. These whingeing nogoodniks are bleating on about the cold when they could be living high on the hog, elbow out the window, tapping hot hitch-hiker poontang and drinking cold, cold beer out of a long-necked bottle.

Fuck them, fuck the lot of them.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Super Review: "Motley Crue: The Dirt"

A trip into the bizarre world of The Motley Crew, a Los Angeles glamour-rock heavy metal combo, famed more for their keen appreciation of Playboy starlets and cocaine than for their music. Which is lucky for them, as their music is fucking awful.

This skilfully edited book teases out the intrepid foursome's varying interpretations of various key stages in the band's career. At different points in the book the reader is given each member's 'back story' as they explain how they made their way from their respective backwaters to being millionaire, drug-taking, groupie-shagging rock behemoth bell ends.

While most people with functioning ears would rather walk a mile in pissy slush than listen to one of Motley Crew's recordings, this book scratches beneath the surface and gives the lowdown on all of the band's tawdriest moments; a unique spin on the concept of 'phone sex', urine fun with Ozzy Osbourne and the less glamorous side of heroin addiction.