Saturday, November 20, 2010

And Your Bird Can Shop

Photoshop shmotoshop.

Today was a momentous day in the worlds of music retailing and high street fashion as budget-conscious clothes shop Peacocks began selling Beatles CDs in a cross-platform marketing venture that will change how we buy music and low-quality garments forever.

Announcing the historic tie-up, Peter Cock, the founder and Managing Director of the down-at-heel clothing chain, was in triumphant mood. "Now, for the first time, our customers will be able to purchase a pair of jeans with all writing on the arse AND pick up a compact disc featuring music originally performed by The Beatles, the greatest band of all time." he told reporters.

"You could say things are 'Getting Better' for our customers!" quipped the shoddily-finished garment magnate.

While critics have been quick to point out that the CDs for sale in Peacocks won't actually feature the actual music of the actual Beatles, their head honcho was quick to defend the store's range, which will retail for £3.99 a pop.

"We're providing a really exciting set of albums here, that will complement any Beatles fan's collection. What serious Beatles enthusiast can live without "Klaus Wunderlich's Beatles Hammond Organ Party", "Pan Pipe Beatles Collection 2", "Motown Sings The Beatles", "Top of the Pops Beatles Fever!", "Blackout Crew: All You Need is Donk", "The Royal Scots Dragoon Pipe Band's Fab Four Selection", "Notorious BIG in the Sky with Diamonds" or "Part Chimp's Braw Beatles Hootenanny"? Eh?"

"Eh?" he continued.

Among customers at the company's flagship store in Warrington, reactions were mixed. Edna Everidge, 67, thought the Beatles CDs were good and that she liked them. "I like them, I think they're good" she told our reporter, and subsequently three shop assistants and another old woman.

Patty Cake, 54, also approved. "I've bought my nephew this "jurt" for his birthday" she said while holding up a garish nylon-cotton top of dubious provenance. "It's a jumper with a shirt sewn into it, hence "jurt", you see? It costs six quid, so if I get one of these CDs, that's a tenner spent, yeah? Job done, simple as, end of." she continued.

However, Roy Balding, 43, was not so keen. "A load of boring old Beatles CDs? That's rubbish! I came here to buy an amusing novelty t-shirt that says "Mr Lazy" and some white sandshoes like a bairn would wear, not to get a poxy CD of "Cheeky Girls Go Moptop". Beatles CDs my right nut!" he gibbered excitedly.

For no other reason than so we could print a picture of her, we asked Jordan "Katie" Price for her opinion, but she wasn't in.

Sexy Katie: Tits, peacock etc

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