Old People, living high on the hog, courtesy of your and my tax dollars.
As a wee small boy, I occasionally thought it was big and clever to cheek my elders. Not so much my parents and their generation, but Old People. However, it was soon brought to my attention, via a combined course of Good Hidings and school history lessons, that our senior citizens deserved our respect.
This was the generation that had fought in one, maybe two World Wars. Like on the telly and that. They defeated National Socialism, ended the holocaust and endured their lasses getting drilled left, right and centre by candybar-toting American servicemen.
Let us Never Forget the Sacrifices They Made.
That type of thing. Thus it went along, a generation of slackers grew up with a definite reverence for those who gave so much that we would be free. Quite right too.
However, it now strikes me that we are approaching the year 2010, where there will be Old Aged Pensioners who were born after the Second World War. This is quite a different kettle of OAP fish.
This is the generation that grew up in an era of free love, LSD, stack heels and mod/rocker violence. A generation that titted around in the seventies with their big hair, outsized collars and garish wallpaper. A generation that voted Thatcher and gleefully butchered the industries of mass employment while selling this country's infrastructure, utility supplies, water supplies, building societies, council houses, anything that wasn't tied down in Stock Market flotations for a few greasy quid to spend on Phil Collins CDs.
Quite frankly, this is a generation that can Fuck Right Off. And that's swearing.
Yet these grasping grannies and grandpas are sucking ever more cold hard cash from the nation's exhausted, dry teats.
They're getting free bus travel anywhere in the country, free swimming, free cash to spend on heating their houses in the winter.
I repeat, this is a generation that has had money flowing like water. If these greedy old bollixes haven't scraped up enough money over the years to see them alright, then frankly, fuck 'em.
These silver-haired shitehawks spend their days buying scratchcards and writing angry missives to their newspaper of choice about "how savers are the real victims of this recession".
Yes, it's all about the savers, apparently. Forget the poor people with bairns to feed who find that the price of basic foodstuffs has doubled. Put the plight of people losing their jobs and their homes to one side, here is the real tragedy. The poor savers, with their bungalow already paid off and a hundred grand in the bank, ARE ONLY EARNING 1 PER CENT ON THEIR SAVINGS!!! Sort it out Gordon Browns, these ould knackers with their spare capital doing nothing aren't earning enough free money from it. Cancel that overseas aid, we've got a humanitarian disaster on the home front.
Of course, with the way demographics are, the government can't afford to alienate these people, their votes are too important. However, I'm not the government and I can well afford to alienate them.
Firstly, fuck off until half-nine with your bus pass. Some of us have to get to work. That copy of The Metro is for people interest in Twitter and Lindsey Lohan and that, so gertcha! And you can go and tickle if you think you're getting my seat when it's busy. Have a lie-in, why don't you?
Secondly, stop fucking whingeing about your pension. I remember proper poor pensioners from the eighties, war heroes and that, living on cat food and chopping sticks for the fire in their back yard. You fuckers do all right, get your hand out our pockets, gramps.
Thirdly, clean yourself up, you stink of piss! Cos they do, don't they? Eh? The old people, with their beige clothes and that, they STINK. OF. URINE. Aaaah, eat that observation, oldsters, you've been, like, totally merked, punked and pwned! EPIC FALE!
Hasta la easter, creature features!